You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize