i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
