oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
