I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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