bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
