pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
