I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
