I'm lost and stupid without you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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