Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You just made me feel so damn special
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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