This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize