There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
