Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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