you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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