I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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