wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
