every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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