Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
