ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looked like the before picture.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
