You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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