we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
