The beer is more important than you right now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
