Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
