Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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