that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
