i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
