i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
