Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
