sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize