I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
