It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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