I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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