I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
