She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
