saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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