I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize