I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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