my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
