If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
