i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
