Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize