we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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