Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
