So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
