Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize