winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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