I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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