I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
