You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
