I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
