I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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