At least make sure they are 18
Why
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
