Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize