Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found a bag of teeth...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
