I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
