She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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