An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just pee around me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize