I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it glows. i had to have it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
