I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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