making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
