Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
