fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
