i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize