I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
