he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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