I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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