i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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