get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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