Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
