Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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