what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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