I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
