Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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