He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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