it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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