I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
