brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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