I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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