this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
