By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
