toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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