your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
