I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
