oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
