first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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