She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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