pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
