How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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