In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
