4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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