Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
