I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
