toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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