No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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