All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
