Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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