I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
