I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
