she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
